The Truth About Divorce
Divorce can be an emotional train wreck for both parents, but often the family members who hurt most have the least control -- the children. What's the best way to help children adjust to divorce? The complexity of your discussion with your children should vary with the child’s age, even if the basic information is the same for all children. Test your knowledge by taking this quiz.
1. Parents should tell children as little as possible about the divorce, since it's very upsetting to children.
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Children can tell when their parents are upset. That, in turn, is what upsets the children. Parents need to let their children know that they are not responsible for the divorce.
2. Children can't understand what is going on during a divorce.
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Parents should be open and honest. Explain the divorce process to your children in simple language that is appropriate to each child’s age.
3. Parents should let their children voice their concerns about the divorce.
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This will help your children feel some control over a situation in which they do not have input. Children often have concrete concerns, such as where they will live and go to school. Be honest, and if you don’t have an answer, tell your children that you will let them know as soon as you do.
4. Children may think the divorce is their fault.
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Even if parents have never blamed the children, the children often assume the divorce is their fault. Parents must take full responsibility and be honest in a way convincing to children. That will vary according to the circumstances, but the words must be chosen carefully and spoken often.
5. During and after the divorce, don't expose your kids to arguments between the two of you.
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If possible, parents' battles should not take place in front of the children. That can be frightening for them.
6. It's fine to change children's routines because of the divorce.
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Routines are important to children. It’s helpful to maintain as normal a routine for the child as possible. If you do vary schedules, they should be predictable, not random. Parents can put a daily schedule on the refrigerator or in a child's book bag.
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